Better than a Hallelujah

Some days I don't have much going on in my head, and others it is as if my mind does not stop. I was even out in Bellingham yesterday with my sister and I could not stop thinking, writing a book in my head. Yesterday morning i listened to a wonderful CD a friend gave me - Songs for the soul, and oh how they have ministered to my soul. I have listened to it a million times, but yesterday Amy Grant's song, Better than a Hallelujah stuck out to me as never before. I think it was in light of several emails i received yesterday then i just started thinking. I haven't even been a huge fan of that song, but yesterday it just hit me as so beautiful. The line..............."we pour out our misery, God just hears a melody, beautiful the mess we are, honest cries, breaking hearts..........Better than a Hallelujah." something along those lines. It just made me think of how we do not have to have it altogether. This grief thing is so strange to me. The different emotions and thoughts I can have in one day, one hour for that matter. Then i received emails from a couple people talking about being angry with God. Or not wanting to feel angry with God. I thought of that line, "we pour out our misery, God just hears a melody." God just wants us! He doesn't want us to say or do the right thing. He's not taken aback when we scream at Him in anger, or question why something happened or is happening. I was thinking how we go to a friend we trust and pour out our hearts, whats on our mind, etc. Thats what God wants us to do with Him! He's not afraid of what we are saying, He knows it anyway. He just wants us to come to Him. To trust Him enough to curl up in His lap and pour our everything out to Him. And that to Him, is better than a Hallelujah - its a melody to Him! Our anger and frustration is a melody to Him? To me that would just make my head hurt, and make me angst. But God is God. His ways are higher than ours, and we don't understand how He works, or how He loves us. Wow, a song I never appreciated spoke so clearly to me yesterday. I love how God does that. His love, so unconditional. Something i never really understood until I had a daughter. She was weak and sick and helpless and fighting for her life. But I loved her because she was mine! Not because she could do anything to earn my love. I didn't love her because she couldn't talk back to me, or because she hadn't screwed up. She was mine! She is mine! And that is that. So simple. Jesus loves me like that. Just because I am His. I don't have to prove anything to him. I am a mess many days. I don't know what I think or feel. I have questions and fears about the future. He loves me anyway and that makes me love Him so much more.