Monday, October 29, 2012

She said it couldn't be done.

She said it couldn't be done......and that she, was me.  Not as much couldn't, but wouldn't.  End of September I ran my first half marathon.  My family and friends were there to support me as I ran with a few of my dear dear friends.  My family took pictures all along the way.  I told them, you better take lots of pics because this is the only half marathon I will do!  Then I ran it, and decided I may do it again.  It was so much fun.  Hard, but fun.  My training went great for the first 8 weeks or so, and then as my long run distances started increasing, so did my pain!!! Oh my, I didn't realized I had knee pain until I started running.  So I increased my massage and chiropractor appointments and they got me up to snuff.  I am so thankful!  And I realized I needed to do a better job of stretching my muscles too, I am not that great at it.  I enjoy running.   I never, ever, never, never, ever thought I would hear those words come out of my mouth!  It feels good, there is just something that happens as you run.  Maybe it is the endorphins??  So to all my friends who say, I am not a runner, I say to you, you can be!  I was not a runner, and now I am a runner.  I really enjoy 3 or 4 mile runs, and I will continue to do that, as it is not as hard on my body as the long runs are.  I think I even got my bro and sis to commit to running the half marathon next year, and my parents may walk the half.  That would be so cool.  What I loved the most about this run, is that apart from training, I would not have been able to do it.  I followed the beginner training plan to a t, to begin with, and I knew, if I stick to this plan, I will be able to run on race day.  But if I hadn't had a training plan, I would have been freaked out, not knowing if i would be ready come race day.  I love that!  I don't mean this to sound cheesy, but I think that it is a lot like life you know???  God has given us his WORD, and has let us know the WAY to get to Him, to be accepted as His sons and daughters.  All we have to do is accept HIM and choose to give our lives to Him and surrender to his will and his way.  If we stick with Him, and follow Him and stay close to Him, we will show up on "race day", the final day when we get to go to Heaven to meet our Lord and Savior, and He will say, "You did it! You made it, Well done."  We will have hardships and pain along the way, but we will survive!  I had major pain along the way, but stayed faithful to the training plan, and I ran.  It wasn't pretty, but I ran.  It wasn't fast, but I ran.  It was such an amazing experience!  Friends asked me if I felt emotional crossing the finish line, and I really didn't.  I was so thankful and happy to have had the opportunity to run. I ran for myself, and for Esther, and for Jesus.   Even when I was in pain, or it was hard, I thanked the Lord for the 2 legs and 2 arms that I have, and that I am able to run.  I know there are many who are not able to, and I am very aware of this fact, and super grateful. ( in my case, having lost a child and not being pregnant yet, and hearing other people who do have children complain about things.....I am not saying that it is wrong, it is just fellow baby-loss moms can identify :)  The race was hard, but I have arms and legs to run )  So I have practiced thankfulness in the midst of my training, and still feeling so full of life.  Air in my lungs, sweat dripping off my body, stinking a stank that I have never smelled on me before!  I am alive!

So I never thought I could do it. But I did.  And if I can do it, ANYONE can do it.  Seriously.  It is all about the training.  And it does take sacrifice.  Early mornings, I knew that I had to run.  I couldn't choose not to run, or I would not have been ready on race day.  You can do it!!

Enjoy a few pictures.......Our time was 2 hours and 14 minutes!!

                        My family came and supported me!!  They were so encouraging!

Our shirts were made by a dear friend Rhonda Holtrop (middle with #2705 on shirt)  and her husband Jason who lost their baby Esther Frances to CDH back in May.  They are raising support to help other families who find themselves in need when going through loss or tragedy's with children! From left to right: Me, Jenny Bajema, Rhonda, Paige Huttula.
                                                      I am so ready!  Lots of adrenaline...
                 Mile 7 at Squalicum Park!!  There was even a band playing.....We're smiling, and we have Jazz hands for some reason!:)  Thanks to Paige and Staci Zenonian (pink shirt) for sticking with me!
                                          Mile 12 ish......still smiling....and almost done!!!!

          My faithful running/training partner and bestest friend Paige Huttula!! Thank you friend..

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Come Away My Beloved.....

I have been struck with a few thoughts and prayers from a devotional I kinda stole from my cousin.  Well I gave it back now, but I have had a chance to read some of them at random, and they really express my hearts desire.  I wonder if you can relate as well?

From Come Away My Beloved......."I am the Lord your God.  I know no limitations.  I know no lack.  I need not reserve My stores, for I always have a fresh supply.  You can by no means ever exhaust My infinite resources.  Let your heart run wild.  Let your imagination go vagabond.  No extravagance of the human thought can ever plumb the depths of My planning and provision for My children. 
Rejoice, therefore,  and face each day with joy; for I have planned ahead for you and made all necessary arrangements and reservations.  I am your guide and benefactor.  Put your hand in Mine."

Jesus has recently freed me, and continues to because it really is a daily thing, of some things I was wrestling with.  I felt like it was hard to pray for our family and our desires to have another child.  I wasn't sure if it was wrong to or not?  I mean, if that is not what God has for us, then why would I want to pray for that?  I became discouraged in that, and kind of stopped praying for a child. I am so thankful that I have so many friends and family who have and are standing in the gap and lifting us up, lifting me and my heart up to Jesus.  THANK YOU!  You know who you are..........  I have realized though that that is where the enemy would want me, to not pray for the desires of my heart.  To even twist that, to keep me from going to Jesus.  That is right where I need to be, in Jesus's arms!  As I read this from the Lord, I was so encouraged, because I can't even possibly ASK for what He has planned for us, I have no idea.  My human mind and heart cannot comprehend.  I want what Jesus wants for our life!  I trust Him, and I know He has plans and provision for us.  Sometimes it feels like He does not, or that we have been forgotten, but I know that is not true.  Just because His plan and timing is not my plan and timing, doesn't mean He is not God and is not still working!  He has made all the necessary arrangements for each day for me.  I want to live in the moment of each day, and I know I have said it before, but I don't want to miss what He has for me each day.  But it is a struggle, as my eyes waver from HIM, and I begin to doubt.  Much like Peter walking on water going out to meet Jesus.  He began to sink when He took his eyes off and looked at the waves around Him.  I know Jesus just wants my heart.  My surrendered self all to Himself.  I do not want any idols, or to desire anything but Him.  When I am surrendered to Him, I feel so free!  I desperately want what He wants for my life.  To bring glory to himself and to draw others to HIM!  I know He knows my heart, and so I will continue to pray for the making of our family.  A dear friend told me last week, about when Jesus promised to Mary that she would carry the Savior of the world.  Even with this promise, Mary responded, "May it be as you have said."  The word may means, let it be yes or no, or a promise of a possibility.  As I pray, I want to have the posture of Mary, to ask and believe, but hold it loosely, really as I should everything in my life!  "Lord, whatever you want.  This is my desire, but whatever you want, and whatever timing you have.  Just give me the grace to walk through this!!"  I am thankful that He does give us everything we need to walk the journeys we are on.

I want to not lack anything, I know that is what Jesus does in us through our suffering, through the refining process.  Many times I want to scream, I don't want to be refined!!!  It is hard and it is painful.  But it is good.  God knows us and LOVES us, and knows what the refining process will produce in us. Only the power of the Holy Spirit in us can take away the things in us that we humanly cannot do ourselves.  To make us more Jesus-like, and that is what life is all about.  To reflect Jesus and hopefully draw others to him.  I want to be a true reflection..........

This last prayer from this awesome devo is SO where my heart is today!  I got up this am and ran really fast on my treadmill, for me a 9:00 minute mile:)  and worshiped the Lord as I ran!

"Grant this one prayer more, Lord, that You would give us all that is lacking in us; intensify our hunger and fire our devotion; take the indifference from our spirits; and have within us Your wonderful way and perfect will, O God, we pray; Amen."

"Lord, have within ME your wonderful way and perfect will............Amen, and Amen."