Friday, October 21, 2011


I love God. I love him more and more every day. I sit in my house and am so thankful to have a house. To have a wood burning fireplace as the wind blows and the rain comes down. I appreciate our house so much. All the love, blood, sweat and tears (literally) that were put into the building of this house. It is a gift! And I thank the Lord everyday. Thinking about gifts..........I read the post of a friend who just lost her 4th baby in the womb. I was SO encouraged by her post. If you want to read it go to She was so encouraging just one short week after her loss. But she said from day one, that Elliot was a gift from the Lord. That is really the way I feel about Esther. She was a gift to us! Even though we didn't get to have her here with us, she is ours and we will see her again. She is ours, she is with Jesus and we know Jesus, so we will see her again! She was a gift....every baby conceived is a gift. We don't know how long they will be with us. And it is not as if they are not a gift just because they didn't take a breath on this earth. Or that they were not created for a purpose. EVERY baby conceived is for a purpose. And as I read April's post I was just overwhelmed with that. That she has 4 babies in heaven waiting for her, each one had a purpose for being created! God does not make mistakes! Oh what grief and sadness as she doesn't get to love them and raise them here, but the joy of knowing where they are and that all of us mom's who have lost our precious children, will rejoice with them one day! As we experience the grief though, it is hard to think of the gift that came, and then was gone, which caused the grief and pain. But God's ways are not our ways.......His thoughts are not our thoughts. We don't know why he allows the things he does, but we know he LOVES us and has GOOD plans for us. They may not be what I think are good plans, (most of the time are not:)) but i TRUST him and that is that. So I thank Him for his blessings, ALL of them. Esther and that we had her. I have pictures on my wall, and a scrapbook of her short life. We talk about her often and we thank God for her! Jesus Calling said it today ----------October 21 "The best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things ------your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time -----are gifts from ME. Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand!"

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Love to pray

After my Grammie died, I found one of her devotionals called Love to Pray, by Alvin VanderGriend. I really have wanted a deeper prayer life, for a long time, but just wasn't sure how to get there. Anyone know what I'm saying? As with many other things of hers, I cherish, absolutely treasure anything of hers that she wrote in. I love her handwriting. It is so beautiful. She wrote notes, and scriptures all over this devotional. My Grammie LOVED the scriptures. She was so faith-filled and trusted in Jesus. And clung to His Word.
Anyway, i opened it up last week and started from day one. Friendship with God. I am just taking it day by day, and really trying to soak up what Alvin shares about prayer. Day 2, says that prayer starts with God. This has been such a good reminder for me about what prayer really is. He shares "For years I believed that my prayers started with me. I had to think them up. I had to get God's attention. Not surprisingly, with this frame of mind, prayer was often a chore." Oh man! I have been there. And so many people that I know, i think struggle for this same reason. So he goes on to say, "I learned that I was wrong. Prayer doesn't start with us. Prayer starts with God. That's the radical idea that changed my prayer life. God is the initiator. He moves us to pray. He gives us prayer ideas. He holds out the promises we claim in prayer. When we pray, we are God's instruments." Wow! We are God's instruments. I know this stuff, but i don't think i really know it. It really is beginning to transform even these past few days! And for me, in order to do this, I have to be I can hear from God. What he wants me to pray. What he lays on my heart. How he moves me to pray. As i let him initiate. Isn't this incredible? So my prayer is, "Lord help me to know what you want me to pray." Prayer is powerful. In Exodus, Joshua and the army went out to fight the Amelakites, and Moses went up on a hillside to pray. I love that! When his hands were in the air, they were winning, when they were down, the enemy was winning. What an awesome example of what God does when we pray! When we lift up praying hands, the powers of darkness are pushed back. I have felt this in my own life, in my own battle. I think of the times especially in this past year, that I have literally felt the prayers of God's people for us. As God was accomplishing his purposes. The day we went in to the hospital to give birth Esther, December 20th. A day that I don't think I could have made it through without the prayers of so many of you. In the months after that, as we tried to move forward. Being at a place in life that I wasn't prepared for. Death, and then more death. March 25th, losing my Grammie, and then 2 days later losing my step aunt Cheryl. God!? What is going on? How do we go on and get through stuff like that? God was holding us up, as the prayers of his people continued. And then this past month as I was able to share about our story for the first time, at Women's Weekend up at Malibu Young Life Camp. I was prepared, and yet not, which I guess is good. I was as ready as I was going to be, but then I got there and was so overwhelmed. Not just from the story I was going to share, in the context of "Handling Life's Disappointments," but from the disappointments represented in the room by each woman who was there. I felt insecure, I felt burdened. Who am I to share about disappointment? I don't know what these women have been through. Those burdens are not mine to carry, they are God's. I knew the enemy was attacking me and oh did I feel it. I felt the battle. And yet, as I was battling, I know i had people praying for me. A few specific people back home who I had asked to be my warriors, and my team who was up at camp. I felt more nerves than usual as I was getting ready for the seminar, and yet when I began to speak, a calm came over me and I knew Jesus was there with me. By the next day, before the 2nd seminar, I was so tired. My head was aching and my body and mind were just exhausted. I thought, how can I do this again? I was in the battle. I just said, Jesus you are my strength, I am going and doing this and I need you to show up! And he did. Of course he did, because he always does. I do have a story about disappointment, the greatest in my life, and the cool part is, we all do, but GOD IS THE VICTOR, if we believe in Jesus Christ and have given our lives to him! That is the amazing part of each of our story's. In the account in Exodus, Joshua overcame the Amalekite army, and in our lives, we overcome the enemy as we lift up our hands to the throne of the Lord. I am so grateful for this. This encourages me to pray. To love to pray. To want to pray more, and to get quiet and hear what God is saying. That's where the power is, and that is where things in life will change. When we pray, God works. He doesn't need us, but he "chooses to move in response to prayer." This is what I read today in Love to Pray, and am praying that God reveals more of himself to me as I seek to know him more. I know he wants us to know him more, and that he will answer that prayer. I am excited to see what he has to share with me.