Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Esther's Song

I want to thank everyone for your prayers, cards, texts, remembrance gifts, flowers, Facebook messages and love you have sent to us in our time of uncertainty and loss of Esther Jade. I can't describe right now what we are going through, as we are just going through it. Someday I will though. We laid Esther to rest yesterday in Babyland in Lynden. I felt anxious, sick and so very sad as we pulled into the cemetery. But as we walked over to the graveside I did feel a peace come over me. I think the anxiety was the unknown of what that experience was going to be like. We had to answer questions ahead of time about the service, and i didn't want to make the wrong decision. I wanted it to be so right. For Esther, to honor her. But how does one know what to do in that situation, one you have never been through before? We didn't. We just walked. Put one foot in front of the other and as we did, God's grace and peace and mercy met us there. That's what He does. We fear what we don't know, but the crazy and the thing that is so cool is that when we are actually in the situation that we feared, it is there that His presence meets us and we wonder why we were so fearful. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is what we experienced yesterday. Was it sad? Yes. But God is good. Am i sad? Yes. But God is faithful and walks with us through it. The sadness is there even though i believe everything about God to be true, and we do have hope. That has not changed, but it also doesn't take the sadness away. It will be there for a long time as we work through the loss of our firstborn, Esther Jade. I love the name of our daughter, even more and more everyday. Esther means Star, and as a dear friend wrote me, Esther has been our small but bright star guiding us on the journey to see Jesus through the eyes of sorrow. It is a picture that up until this point in my life, I have not seen. I also was looking online and found that Jade is the Stone of Heaven. That was again another gift from God.

My cousin Carissa is a gifted writer and wrote the most beautiful song for her. I can't get it out of my head. I hope you are blessed by it, and by Esther's life. We will never be the same....

Esther's Song

I wonder what you see, saints on bended knee,
singing Glory Hallelujah to the King?
Your little eyes behold the sight, God's great City dressed in Light,
and beauty beyond our imagining

We miss you precious jewel, shining star in our hearts
And we know because of God's great love, we'll never really be apart

Hallelujah, blessed be His Name,
Hallelujah, we'll never be the same
Hallelujah, blessed be His Name,
Hallelujah, we'll never be the same

I wonder what you smell, perfect daisies on a hill,
the aroma of purity and peace
Fragrant grass so sweet, is it tickling your feet,
or the freshness of a cool ocean breeze?

We miss you precious jewel, shining star in our hearts
And we know because of God's great love, we'll never really be apart
We miss you precious jewel, shining star in our hearts
And we know because of God's great love, we'll never really be apart

Hallelujah, blessed be His Name,
Hallelujah, we'll never be the same
Hallelujah, blessed be His Name,
Hallelujah, we'll never be the same
Hallelujah, praise the LORD
He's given us His Life a gift we never could afford
He's given us His Life a gift we never could afford

I wonder at the sound, when the saints all gathered 'round
And welcomed you to Heaven on that day
I wonder what you hear, when Jesus holds you near
And a million angels sing
And a million angels sing
When a million angels sing
Happy Birthday

~ Carissa Krause

"And we know because of God's great love, we'll never really be apart....." I am so thankful to God for sending His son Jesus to make a way for us to be with Him for eternity. Never more grateful than I am today, this season. We have hope. He is our Eternal hope. Pastor Kim shared at Esther's graveside yesterday: "She will be forever ours, and we will be forever hers." Thank you Jesus!

6 comments:

  1. Incredible song. What a gift. Still thinking of you and praying for you.

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  2. Amazing - Beautiful - Inspiring - Sweet, there truly are no words.... lifting you up....

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  3. What a beautiful gift, praying for you all.

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  4. Dear Monica and Brian,
    I have been praying and waiting with you. I actually have a very close experience with Turner's syndrome, which I now realize is what Esther had.I'll share that with you someday--but know that it is very common and that Esther's life is just hers--not predictive of any other of your children. Blessings and love to you,
    Jennie

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  5. Dear Monica and Brian-
    We share a couple things. One- we are both friends with Kiki Lund. Two- we both have daughter's in Heaven. I wish I could meet you in person to share with you your sadness. But, since I'm in Minnesota, please know that there is another Mom (and Dad) who grieve with you and for you as we know your sadness all too well. Our Hannah Ruth also had Turner's and died at 24 weeks in utero. She was also our first. I joy in knowing that Hannah Ruth and Esther Jade are dancing and singing with Jesus even now. May you continue to be comforted and blessed with God's goodness during your deep grieving in these first tender days. And may you be comforted in knowing that One Glorious Day you will be reunited with your sweet and perfect daughter over a beautiful wedding feast! Oh Glory.

    With great Love and Hope-
    Megan Hughes

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  6. Thank you for sharing your words with us as your heart is breaking. May the broken bread be multiplied beyond your wildest dreams and bring forth joy and fruit that overflows and pours out the love of God all over you both!

    Thank you for allowing us to grieve alongside you and hold you in our prayers. It is a privilege and a joy - even in the sorrow.

    Lauree

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