I have no title...:)

Most days i don't really do a whole lot. I thought that when i stopped working for Young Life, i would maybe be bored. Funny how i haven't been bored once. God knew what was lying ahead and what i would need. Some people need to be busy to be distracted when going through hard things, but i am not one of those people. Sometimes i like to have a distraction, but mostly i have been so exhausted and just need to process stuff and have been thankful on those days when i can just be home and not have to pull myself together, or be "on" to go to work - again, God knew what i would need. I woke up yesterday with a cold - headache, stuffed up nose and sore throat. I was like seriously? I think I've used almost a whole box of Kleenex, the big Costco kind in 2 days. Now i am SUPER exhausted and all i can do is lay around in my trailer. For those of you who don't know Brian and i live in our 5th wheel behind my parents house, which is another huge blessing. There are many days when the thought of making dinner is overwhelming, and my mom will call and invite us to walk over and eat with them.:) I don't often turn her down. I try to make myself useful by bringing hot coffee and snacks out to the jobsite to Brian and my dad, and anyone else who is working on our house during these days. My sister was even out there today in the freezing cold helping to lay the sub-floor. It makes me feel like i am doing something, even if it is a supportive role. Hopefully when i feel better i can help somehow. I really can't believe how fast the house is going up. Brian is awesome, and my dad has made himself available to help whenever he can, which is quite often. He said too, the Lord knew that his own work would be slow and that Brian would need the help. God is so good, and knows what is ahead, again i say. :) I made an appearance today with coffee and pumpkin bread my mom made, and then a few hours later came back out with lunch that, again my mom made for the crew. I said thank you so much, i feel like i should be making food for our crew and especially my hubby, but i just say thank you. It is 6:20 right now and it feels like about midnight. Winter is so crazy. The nights seem so long, especially when we are in our trailer. Makes me want to hibernate. Will probably be going to bed soon. Thanks for your continued prayers for us and for Esther. We went to see Dr. Cook on Wednesday and things continue to look grim for her. I still pray and hope for a miracle. I really have no idea how her heart is still beating, other than the Lord:) but she continues to fight. So that is a miracle in itself. At this point i can't tell if the fluid is the same or if its getting worse, but it just looks bad. We may skip our appointment next week because of Christmas. Dr. Cook said that even if we came in and her heart had stopped, we may not be able to do anything next week anyway, so we could come in on the following Monday if we wanted to - he will see us anytime we want, he is wonderful. I really don't want to go in, i know he thinks that at the rate she is going it wont be much longer. But i love that he always talks about "betting on the baby" and knows we are praying for a miracle. I wonder how situations like this affect doctors? It has got to be hard. He goes from one patient with a healthy baby, to us with an unhealthy baby, and then walks into the next room to see a patient with a healthy baby. You would have to switch from compassion and sympathy to excitement. Somewhat of a rollercoaster i would say. I asked him last week how often he has seen this, a baby with Turner's, and he said maybe once every 4 years or so. Now i know he is only one doctor, but i thought that was interesting. I feel like i have heard of several baby's with Turner's pretty close to home since we found out about Esther. So this is where we are at. Sometime's it doesn't seem real, but it is. Thanks for your prayers and for standing with us!