Special Days

Shortly after we lost Esther, I told Brian that there were so many bad dates that I will forever remember because of what all had happened - Nov. 11, Dec. 20, Dec. 27. He said that there were so many good dates to remember too. Today is one of those dates. It's Brians' 41st birthday today! He is known as BZ, Big Z, Z, baby, and Slappy. It was also the Daytona 500 today and if you know him, you know my husband is a huge Nascar fan. So we spent the day at his friends' house in Mt. Vernon in "Guytown". That is basically the man cave in their house that any guy would love, with a HUGE TV. I felt privileged that I was allowed down there. :) We had a great day eating a lot of food I shouldn't have eaten, and watching the race - it is what he loves. I am so grateful for my honey. He is the best thing ever!

Another special day was Valentine's Day. We had Young Life on the actual day, so the weekend before he got an idea up his sleeve. I had NO clue. He talked to the heating guy and made sure our fireplace was all ready to go. We had planned on going to a movie that night, and so he asked if i wanted to get dinner before. I said sure! I love to go out to eat. So I came home and got ready, while he finished some stuff up. He called 3 times to make sure i was ready to go. He takes about 3 minutes to get ready, so i really didn't think much of it; he wanted me to be ready when he got there so we could leave right away. We headed towards Bellingham and he said he wanted to stop by our house and make sure the job shack was locked. That seemed like a good thing, so we stopped there. But then when we got there he said he wanted to check something in the house and he wanted me to come too. I was like, seriously?? I didn't think anything of it though, and walked in. He had the fireplace going, and had run into town and picked up Pho (Vietnamese food) takeout for dinner, and had flowers on the picnic table he had brought in for our romantic dinner in our new house! That seriously was the sweetest thing he has ever done. Another special day.

In a week from Monday, we will celebrate our 2nd anniversary. I can't believe it has been 2 years. It has been the best, even with the heartache we have experienced recently with losing Esther. I think that the hard things in life can either pull you apart or draw you together. We are definitely stronger and more together than we have ever been. I tell him often that I love him more today than I did yesterday or even the day got married. It's a weird thought, to think that you love someone probably the least you ever will on your wedding day! We grow, and love grows as we experience life together and with God at the center. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's what makes us deeper, more compassionate people. I wouldn't have it any other way.

So we have already had some pretty special days. I can't forget though, that today, it has been exactly 2 months since we lost Esther. I can't believe it. I never thought I would feel the way I do today. I thought I would be in pain forever. But grief changes as you move through it, push through the pain as oppose to ignore it or stuff it, and begin to heal. I am a feeler, and I felt it and still do. I wear my emotions on my shirt sleeve and so there would have been no hope for me to stuff my pain. I am thankful for that. I do have hope, and I am thankful that God is using Esther's life in SO many ways; ways I know about and many ways I will never know about. I am healing and am grateful to My Healer. The Lord has also given us our house to look forward to. I am really excited about where we are with all of it. It has been so great being able to help work on it. We are getting ready for paint on the outside!! It is looking like we will be moving in around the first of April. We were looking forward to our new baby in the beginning of April, but God had other plans. I am thankful that we will be moving into our house around then, a little distraction is good. Like I had said in an earlier post, although in the beginning I felt a house seemed vain, I know it was part of what God would use to get us through this time. He is so good. He gets us through, always.

I will post some pictures of the progress soon!