What is best for us? I was thinking today that if God gave us everything we thought we wanted, what a mess we would make of our life . We don't know what lies ahead for us. God does. When we trust in him and his plan we know that it will be good, even though it is painful and hard and not something we would ever ask for. But God sees beyond, what lies ahead, and knows what we need and how we are going to get there. And i trust him because i KNOW he loves me so much. I know he doesn't want to harm me, but he loves me so much that he wont leave me in the same place. One of my favorite verses of all time is Ephesians 3: 14-20. Paul's prayer for the church in Ephesus. He talks about the love of Christ. God first spoke this to my heart after coming back from my first trip to Haiti in 2002. I was so overwhelmed when i got back, thinking about the amazing people in Haiti and how God's love for them was the same as his love for me, and read those verses, and they jumped off the page at me! Well not literally, like they hit me in the face, but like the words became highlighted just for me. If you've experienced that, then you are probably smiling to yourself right now. Anyway, (I will paraphrase from my New Living Translation) Paul talks about how deep and wide and high is the love of Christ - this is my favorite part - and I pray you will experience the love of Christ - "THOUGH IT IS SO GREAT YOU WILL NEVER FULLY understand it." WOW! So much love, that humanly we will not comprehend it here on earth. I can't fathom love like that, and yet that is the love God has for me, and for you, and for my sweet baby Esther Jade. And i pray that for her now, however long God gives her life on earth, or in my womb, that she will know the huge great love of Christ - and he holds her even now! And if she meets him before i do, then she is so lucky. So it would be our loss for a time; but her gain, until we meet again in heaven with our Maker. I started to feel fearful yesterday - not knowing if God is going to take her, and if he did, when would it be? How would i know? I was comforted by a specific verse in Psalm 139 - (which i read to Esther and me, every night) that says- vs.16 - "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." That brought me peace. I can do nothing. God knew before he created her, how many days she will live, and i take comfort in that. I think sometimes i try to manipulate things, or take things into my own hands as if it is my responsibility? I am so much better when i release it to God, surrender and let him be in control. And another thing - how do any of us know how many days we are here on earth for? How do i know i will be here tomorrow or in 5 min? We don't know and that verse speaks the same truth to all of us. God knows our days on earth, so i am to be no more worried about Esther's days than my own. So i choose to not worry.
Ephesians 3:14-20 ends with an amazing verse, and my moms favorite which says" Now to him who is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. " We praise him not because he will heal Esther here on earth, but we praise him because he is ABLE. He has the power too if he chooses. Either way she will be healed, whether here on earth or ultimately in Heaven.

Yesterday was a sad day, today was a better day. God is always good! I am thankful for all of the support and for my mom, who spends every day with me.
Thank you for your prayers!