Right where I am supposed to be....

Today i feel like my heart wants to burst. It really is hard to describe! Well the sunshine does help, but i have felt for awhile now that I am right where I am supposed to be. That WE are right where we are supposed to be. A few months back, the sun was out, and Brian and I were taking a walk outside. I just had this overwhelming sense, that in spite of everything that our last year held, that day, we were right where God wanted us. It is a strange but peaceful feeling. Not because I had what I wanted, or because anything special or exciting had happened......but that God had us right where HE wanted. This past week, that has been affirmed. I love ministry. I love being able to meet with my young girlfriends. Share life with them, share their joy and their pain, and listen to them and hear where they are at. I LOVE IT! For my job, I get to meet with people to talk about Young Life, and the possibility of them being a leader. As I get to hear their story, I just burst inside! I get to share with them what it means to be a part of the ministry and serve the Lord, and how THEY will be blessed, and encouraged and strengthened in their walk with Christ. AND I AM ENCOURAGED..... AGAIN......and i hear it again, "Monica, this is what I put you on this earth to do!" Not because it is all about me, but because God has gifted me and placed me, right here, right now, at this point in time, for a reason. WE all are. We all have a purpose and a divine design and when we are operating in that place, it is so sweet...........and it is all from God. It is his work that he does through us. Would I be here right now, had we not gone through what we did? Losing our baby?? I don't know. But i know that God is Sovereign and he makes ALL things work together for our good. Yes that is a song, and yes that is a verse. Romans 8:28.........I know that experiencing loss has given me more compassion, sensitivity to where others are at, discernment, and a LOVE that I did not have before. God just meets us! In our deepest pain, GOD SHOWS UP! And HE changes our lives in the process. Does it hurt? Yes....terribly. But God will redeem anything that we bring to him, that we give to him. ANYTHING!!! In John, Jesus talks about remaining in Him, and about pruning in our lives. Branches are cut off, that are not producing fruit, and branches are pruned, so that they can produce more fruit. I want to produce more fruit. I do, desperately. I want more of God and I know that does not come without pain, and challenges. He is using my life experiences. He brought Brian and I together at this place and time for a purpose. Brian was 38 for crying out loud! When i talk to my young friends about waiting for God's best, i tell them our story, and they go, oh man 38!!! I don't want to wait that long...... I get it, i didn't either, and I KNOW Brian didn't want to wait that long....but he did, and I did, because we trusted God and knew that He had something more for us. It is no accident. It is no accident that we lost Esther. God in his loving Sovereignty allowed that to happen, and I know He brought others to himself because of that. That is what it is all about. Not about us. Having said, that I am hopeful for a brother or sister for Esther. Someday...... I don't know when that will be, and whether our family will be natural or from other mothers, but it will be God's perfect timing. And I trust Him. Thank you to all of you who are so faithful in praying for us to have a baby. He really has given me such a peace about His timing, and His plan. I need to do what He has called me to do. Right?? Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.....or something like that. I just trust that He is taking care of us. He always has, even in our darkest place, and he always will. I am so grateful for his blessings. Like I have said before, I appreciate life so much! More than i ever have, and this life does not compare to what life with Christ in Eternity will be. I have such an appreciation for all the people God has brought into my life this past year. Other grieving mothers, I have such a love and so much admiration for them. We have all walked a hard road, one that no one wants to walk, and many cannot imagine, but they have shown courage, just walking it. That is all we can do is walk, we have no choice, but He shows up to walk with us. God works in miraculous and mysterious ways, and I have seen His awesomeness this past year! The leaders I get to walk with and encourage in life and in ministry......what a gift for me!! I feel like I have so many "spiritual kids" because of the time I have spent in Young Life ministry. Ones I have seen come to know him, and even stray away, but years later come back to him!! It is all about planting seeds. Loving people unconditionally. Accepting others where they are at. I was loved on this way growing up.......and I strayed away.......but I came back............My cup is overflowing..... God you are so good.